It has been two weeks and two days since mom's passing, it still seems very unreal to me.  Every morning and every night I feel this harsh reality hitting me all over again.  I don't know how to live without her but I do know that she would want us all to live for her...so I keep moving and looking for new ways to connect with her everyday.  She truly is the most amazing woman I have ever met, I will miss her everyday until we meet again!

Brittney

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This was the talk I shared at mom's funeral in Chicago, the day truly was celebration of mom's legacy, thank you for all your support and love for our family!...

I have had a very difficult time trying to find the right word to express all that my mother was in a brief 5 minutes.  The stories and memories that I have are so tender to my heart and I feel there are no words that can do them justice, the good news for me is that I would propose most of you feel the same way.  Those who have had the pleasure of being a part of her life know the warmth of this woman; it pierces your very soul.   I remember as a young girl watching my mother embrace someone we hardly new or hold a crying child at a grocery store.  I couldn’t understand how she could hold them so lovingly while I was too distracted by their appearance and too afraid that she might have crossed boundaries, but this is my mother.  Mom loved everyone, regardless of appearance, or how well she knew them, or if they knew her, her love was truly unconditional and without limitations.  After Brandon had served on a 2-year mission for our church in Honduras my mother, father and myself went to spend some time with him in some of the areas he served.  We had never met these people before, we didn’t even speak their language, but mom greeted each one with a huge hug and a very loud, enunciated HOLA.  She loved them instantly! She would try so hard to talk with them and share her gratitude for watching over her son.  They couldn’t understand a word she was saying, so she said it louder, when they didn’t understand that she would talk slower, and when they still didn’t understand she would offer another embrace…and words were no longer needed. 

I recently read, “you cannot succeed in love if you keep one foot out on the bank for safety’s sake,” but mom never had a problem diving right in!  My mother has taught me to love.  I remember one particularly difficult day in junior high when I was sure my life was almost over and I had just finished expressing all of those emotions with my mother before slamming the car door and hearing the words have a wonderful day.  Of course minutes after school started I could hardly remember the roller coaster of emotions that I had just taken my mother on and life was great, but she didn’t know that.  Sure enough I found a small gift in my locker and a note letting me know that she loved me and no matter what she would always be with me and remain my best friend.  In the package was a ceramic kitten snuggled up to a bear, she never said who was the kitten and who was the bear but I have a pretty good idea.  That little ceramic sits on my daughter’s nightstand today. 

 Having a relationship like my mother and I have requires faith, faith that we must be willing to exercise.    If it is done right, we end up sharing everything – all our hopes, all our fears, all our dreams, all our weaknesses and all our joys- with another person.  My mother knew all; she knew my hopes and helped me achieve them.  She taught me that I could do anything and saw strengths in me that I couldn’t see in my self.  My mother knew my fears.  She taught me how to over come many of them and held my hand through all of them.  My mother has always been my beacon, my driving force and the light that fills my soul.  In her I learned faith, faith that she will always be near, guiding me on this journey.  And through her and her example I learned faith in my Heavenly Father and Savior Jesus Christ. 

This same faith she taught my children.  From the time they were babies they always knew that Grandma was never too busy, her commitment to them was first and foremost.  I remember many late nights after putting the kids in their pajamas and Grandma would bring them downstairs and put their shoes and coats on and start to head out the door.  Shocked, and exhausted I would ask what she was doing and she would say but I promised I would take them out for ice cream…but I promised I would take them sledding…but I promised I would take them to Chuck E Cheese.  The kids had faith that their Grandma would keep her promise.  As they got older and especially over these last 8 months she taught them the greatest lessons on faith.  Many times I would hear my children pray for their Grandmother and have the purest of faith that all would be well.  One morning at Christmas after Grandma had been taken back to the hospital I heard Skyler recount his dream to his Grandpa.  He told him how he was coming down the stairs and he saw his Grandma Sherrie sitting on the couch next to the Christmas tree.  Skyler said he looked at her and she smiled at him and said it’s going to be okay.  Skyler had faith in his Grandmother.  He would spend time with her teaching and coaching her to grab something or write and just as she had so many times before she would keep her promises and make him proud and he was so proud.  To this day one of Kenzy’s favorite stories of Grandma is when they decided to venture out on a walk to the lake.  The lake was far away and down a very steep hill but Grandma was sure she could find her way and Kenzy loved taking walks with Grandma.  They grabbed a few fruit snacks and a bottle of water and Grandma, Kenzy, and Skyler began their walk.  Hours later I began to worry.  The weather was hot, they hadn’t called and we couldn’t find them anywhere.   After another few hours mom got reception and they were miles away.  For those who know me, know that a walk like that sounds torturous, unless there is a cookie at the end of the walk and the walk is to the kitchen.  This was a passion that only Kenzy shared with her Grandmother but as they recount the story it was clear that this was a great adventure.  They were pioneers searching for Zion, when they were tired they played in the stream, when they were lost they prayed for help, and when they found the lake once again their faith was strengthened. 

My mother had many gifts and talents and she magnified them all.  She was a woman with a pure love for everyone, a woman who taught faith, and a woman of service.  As a child I remember my mother reading the book Love You Forever by Robert N Munsch.  The story is about a child and his mother, and the mother’s constant love regardless of the child’s tantrums.  Each night the mother would sneak into her son’s room and hold him tight and sing the words, “I’ll love you forever, I’ll love you for always, as long as I’m living my baby you’ll be.” At the end of this book the mother becomes old and unable to get around and late at night her son would sneak into her room and repeat the song, “I’ll love you forever, I’ll love you for always, as long as I’m living my mother you’ll be.” 

I wish that I could share with you a piece of this love that I share with my mother.  It is so strong and so deep it would be like gathering all the light from the sun and trying to contain it in little box.  There are not enough words, too many stories, and many more lessons but the depth of our relationship truly developed over these last 8 months.  This experience was not of my choosing and extremely difficult but it was through this that my mother taught me some of my greatest lessons and through this that our spirits will be forever connected.  There were many times that I sat at her beside once again unable to share my love for her that I simply held her hand and wept hoping that she would know my thoughts, my hopes, and my fears.  Those were sacred moments and I know that she understood all of me.  As I watched my mother fight trough each set back, determined to progress my love for her grew.  Taking her to therapy and watching her sweat as she struggled to stand taught me determination.  She is my hero, she may have received hours of therapy but the real teaching remained from a wise mother to a daughter. Caring for someone so remarkable was a privilege.  Learning at her feet was a sacred honor.

A close friend recently said after his father died he worried how would my children ever know such a great man?  A question that I have spent many tearful nights wondering, how my children will know and remember such a remarkable woman.  He realized that the only way he could teach them of their grandfather was to become more like him.  The best way to honor my mother is to be like her, to love unconditionally, teach faith, and to serve.  May each of us be a little more willing to step out of our comfort zone, emulate her, and dive into an unconditional love for each other.  “Rather than mourn the absence of the flame, let us celebrate how brightly it burned.”